I am really hard on myself. I would say that I am my worst critic -though not my most imaginative one (saving that story for another day). I didn’t even know how bad I was to myself until some people I didn’t know well, pointed it out to me. So I decided to do something about it. I started taking notes about what I liked about myself, what I wanted to change, and what things I could live with. It’s been a considerable journey – I filled up a fairly large notebook with my findings.
Once the notebook was filled, I kind of forgot everything I put in there – so I started condensing the notes and writing the good stuff onto post-it notes. Then glued them to where I would see them. You know that I already have a thing about lipstick mantras – if you don’t know, I write mantras and words of wisdom in lipstick on mirrors. Sometimes they stay up for months at a time, sometimes they last for about 10 minutes. They serve the purpose of a quick reminder to check my attitude. But the post it notes – they are reminders that I’m fairly awesome, or need a little work to get to awesome depending on where the note is located. For instance the note in the bathroom reminds me to compliment my nose – because someone once told me my nose was globular – and Ive kept that with me, and now I’m a tad insecure about it. But enough about my nose.
On my music stand is a reminder of how far I have come in a year. It has a date on it only. Next to it is another note that tells me I can accomplish whatever I want as long as I go slow. And behind my chair, plastered to the wall is another post-it that says “communist”. Its not about my political leanings. Rather, its to remind me of time when I was a fierce performer, and that I could steamroll any challenge that came my way. It’s there to tell me that I am on my way back.
I have post-its in every room. I change them according to what I need to hear. They are not to do lists (those are for the phone), They are simply a nudge to remind myself that I am pretty great – and that it takes a little work to be come truly excellent.
Do you do anything like this to give your mental health a boost, or a kick in the pants – depending on what you need in the moment?
*Photo by Andreanna Moya Photography via Flickr
This post is based on Amy Morin’s book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.
Let me preface this by saying, I have not read her book (yet), but I have read her summary post about it about 900 times in the past year – and I have some thoughts regarding my own
journey struggle to becoming mentally strong.
When I first came across this list, it was almost a year ago, and I had just re-injured my elbow so severely, that I couldn’t imagine playing guitar again. More than that, my doctors, and teachers/coaches didn’t think I would ever play guitar again. If you know me at all, you know that there isn’t a whole lot in life that I love more than being a musician. It’s pretty much the reason for my existence. So not only was I dealing with that stuff – but after years of teaching, I was unhappy with what had been happening in my studio, and had decided to take a break. I was in an unhappy place. I had isolated myself from a community that I loved, and I didn’t see a way to come back to it.
Of the 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do according to Amy Morin, I can tell you that I was doing all of them. These things are:
- They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
- They don’t give away their power.
- They don’t shy away from change.
- They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
- They don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
- They don’t fear taking calculated risks.
- They don’t dwell on the past.
- They don’t make the same mistakes over and over again.
- They don’t resent other people’s success.
- They don’t give up after the first failure.
- They don’t fear alone time.
- They don’t feel the world owes them anything.
- They don’t expect immediate results.
When I first read these- my initial reaction was “Fuck you Amy Morin!”. I didn’t think that any of my problems at the time had anything to do with me – or at least weren’t my fault. I wanted a quick fix, and I didn’t think I should have to do the work. I was pretty much the most spoiled brat on the planet when it came to viewing my situation. I viewed myself as a victim, in the worst way possible. While I have definitely grown this past year, and made some great strides in my guitar playing and the way I see the world (and myself in it), I am still struggling with some of these things. Continue reading
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with doors. Behind doors lay magical worlds. Talking creatures that were not human lived just on the other side, colours not found in our world existed there, grand adventures were to be had, but most of all behind special doors there was a place where anxiety couldn’t survive.
In the house I grew up in, closets were a special fascination. My house had huge closets. Walk-in closets, closets that could be used as clubhouses, and hiding places. Closets that could be used to escape from the noise. These were places where I could escape from myself.
These closets were big enough to drag in cushions, and mattresses, and pillows, and piles of blankets. I could bring in a stack of books, a flashlight, and mugs of iced tea, and I would be happy there for days. Sometimes I skipped sleeping in my own bed just so I could stay in that world a little longer.
Today the start of (what I call) the PTSD season snuck up on me. It does so every year. I don’t ever realize its approaching until its here – and I have a panic attack so bad that I don’t think I can survive – in case you are wondering, I did survive. But I am now aware that for the next 6-10 weeks, life is about to get a bit more challenging.
And right now, the only thing I want, is a closet big enough to drag in an air mattress, and take a flashlight, some books, and a big mug of iced tea, and move to a land (albeit temporarily) where anxiety doesn’t exist.
*Photo Source- Stewart Chambers via flickr